What TEDxJacksonville means to me

Many of you have heard me talk about my work with TEDxJacksonville but I don't think everyone understands the role it plays in my life. I was first introduced to TEDxJacksonville in the summer 2012 when a dear friend decided to move to Colorado. Jessica was my saving grace in Jacksonville. I had been a resident for a little over six months and was very unsure if I could call this city my home. I met her before I moved and our friendship made me believe I could make the city mine. She knew that TEDx could serve to be my portal to other likeminded people and help me keep my sanity.

She was right. I joined the organization in its first year, when it was known as TEDxRiversideAvondale. I thought I would get to meet some interesting people and help as needed but I ended up getting immersed as soon as Asghar and I got back from our honeymoon. I met so many dedicated change agents, many who I proudly call friends now. They helped me see the city’s potential. They made me realize that I could get involved and actually be the change I wished to see.

Moving to the bible belt was my choice but I assumed certain things would be a given in a moderately large city like Jacksonville. I thought there would be tolerance and diversity. I thought the city would be open to new ideas and innovations. The reality was different. The city faced many challenges: no human rights ordinance, racism towards a respectable member of the human rights commission, lack of accessible public transportation and a lack of a vibrant downtown, amongst many other things. In many ways it felt like I had gone back in time and the city’s citizens were choosing to live in a bubble and ignore the progress being made in other cities across the country. 

But it wasn't  just about the city. It was also about me. I didn’t realize what being a change agent really meant. Growing up in New York, I took the city’s policies and amenities for granted. As a teenager, I volunteered at the library and in soup kitchens and assumed that was all that was needed from me. I didn't think about the big picture. I was comfortable with the little I was doing and spending my remaining time with friends and family exploring the city. I wasn’t challenged.

TEDxJacksonville made me realize that leaving my comfort zone was the best thing I could ever do. When there was nobody around for me to spend time with, I actually spent my time figuring out where I could be most useful. I finally got plugged in. I learned about the city and its resources and treasures, its pitfalls and challenges. But teaching myself wasn’t enough. What was I going to do with the information?

I realized that sharing my views and newfound inspiration with other was the best thing I could do. Providing this information in simple and entertaining TEDx events allowed other citizens of Jacksonville to get plugged in and decide where they wanted to help or at the very at least enabled them to learn more on topics of interest and allowed them to make decisions for themselves. It completely takes over my life between the months of August and October and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  It allows me to help brilliant people with powerful ideas have a platform to share them with others. The best part is seeing all 350 audience member leave the live conference feeling hopeful, encouraged and believing they can lead or at least support the change they want to see. 

I have seen myself and my city transform over my three years as Jacksonville's resident. I have witnessed everyday people influence the culture and help challenge the norms. I have seen myself transform into someone who sees the power of ideas and the potential all around me. It is so easy to be a naysayer and assume things will always be difficult to change. But change starts with small shifts and its ripple effects have the power to go beyond what we ever imagined. 

To everyone who sees all the wrong around them, I challenge you to actually do something about it instead of running away from of it or assuming that it isn’t your problem. I promise the feeling of accomplishment afterwards will be unlike anything you have ever experienced. 

What is your dream?

I recently attended a conference and got a question that was a pleasant surprise from the usual networking repertoire. Over casual lunch introductions, instead of asking me what I did for a living, I was asked “What is my dream?” Harold and I had never met before and the question initially threw me for a loop but after thinking about it I answered happily. My response led to a 30 minute conversation I will never forget. 

Harold and I spoke about ambitions, dreams, goals and what gets in our way. He reminded me that it is very easy to add up the reasons why we shouldn't do something but when you actually start to believe in yourself by simply charting out the how it can be done, the process can be reassuring and encouraging. 

Harold and his wife decided to quit their jobs in their forties and take their toddlers on an around the world trip a few years back. His friends, family and neighbors thought he was crazy and questioned their decision every step of the way. Once the family of four returned from their trip, the skeptics were now confused, envious and sometimes even encouraged by the journey. They were initially unsupportive because they idea challenged the conventions around which they've built their own lives; learning about Harold's journey pushed them to get out of their comfort zone.

He reminded me that you need to find the people that are motivating and supportive of innovative ideas. Once you do, you will flourish. 

I left our conversation reminded of my experiences pre and post Cambodia.   Some of my friends and family did not know how to process my decision, and encouraged me to make the safest choice. Some think it was a phase and do not quite understand why I did it, but they also wont ask why.  When I saw Harold again at the end of the day, I gave him a big hug because our conversation reminded me to be proud of my decisions and excited for my future.

The next day I heard the story of Robin Davidson and her solo journey in Australia, from Alice Springs to the Indian Ocean in 1977. The pictures and anecdotes left me speechless, teary and amazed. Everyone told her she was crazy, would die, would never make it and was wasting her time. She document her journey in a book named “Tracks” and I can’t wait to read it.  Just the snippet I read made me want to fly to Australia to meet her and hear her stories.

In case you were wondering, my response to Harold’s question was “to open a non-profit in South Asia that addresses the cultural challenges related sexual assault” and “to visit a 100 countries in my lifetime."

It is so easy to get immersed in our day to day life that we go from task to task without even thinking about why we do what we do. Passion allows us to keep going while maintaining a positive outlook. Doing things we love is meaningful and rewarding. But we have to have dreams to aspire to, to motivate us and most ultimately to be truly content with the mark we leave on the world. 

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude- Maya Angelou

Facing Death and Cherishing Family

On Wednesday the 10th, my cousin informed me that my uncle was on his deathbed and could pass any day. I knew I wanted to say goodbye and be there for my cousins. I left Friday morning. Surprisingly, the five-hour drive to Fort Myers was painless and quick. I think because it was the first time in a long time I got to be alone with my thoughts and without the constraints of my calendar.

I arrived at the house at 3pm and realized that I had not actually seen any of the other guests in over two decades. One of the lovely aunties started interrogating me as soon as I arrived in the typical brown fashion asking questions like, who are you? What are you studying? Are you married? Startled and cornered, I answered nervously and looked around for a familiar face. After exchanging long hugs with my cousins, I went and said hi to my uncle. He responded with the biggest smile and it made my day. It was so great to see him react and respond and so sad because I realized how hard this weekend would be for me. Cowardly thing to say, I know, considering I wasn’t the one about to lose a parent.

It became apparent pretty quickly that some of the relatives there were dealing with the situation without actually considering what my uncle or my cousins would want. It was frustrating to watch. Everything from food to laying positions to medical treatment was up for debate. Everyone felt they were right. I don’t know how my cousins handled this for weeks at a time. They have been so brave and I admire their courage. I only hope I can be as strong as them when the time comes.

My uncle was a tenacious man and he wasn’t ready to go yet. The energy in the house revitalized him and he fought to remain with us. We had a great weekend with him, filled with laughter, inappropriate jokes, and delicious food. We even watched his beloved Gators play on tv. The weekend flew by. Sunday came before we knew it and one by one we all left to tend to life’s commitments. 

The following Saturday, September 20th, I got the text. My uncle had passed away peacefully in his sleep. The funeral would be on Sunday. I quickly rearranged my commitments for the weekend and hoped Ahmed could join me this time. When I approached him, I started crying thinking about my cousins and what they were going through. We left as soon as we could but the ride down was very different this time around. Both of us realized we had never actually attended a funeral for a relative or any Muslim funeral for that matter. It was also difficult to acknowledge that one day we may need to say goodbye to our parents.

Sunday morning was tough. Not knowing what lay ahead, we got up, came up with a game plan for the day and did what we know best, helped with logistics. I think, for me, it was a great way to distract myself from facing my emotions. I didn’t want to cry in front of my cousins. I felt I had no right to and so I tried to be an anchor for them. We prayed, said our goodbyes and laid him to rest. We were all so relieved that he was finally free of his pain and suffering and at peace.

Because of work the next morning, we left for Jacksonville right after the funeral. During the ride home, I came to terms with the fact that I need to improve relationship with both my parents. My mom and I speak everyday but I don't give her the time and patience she needs. My dad and I need to work on communicating in general. Life is so short. The things that irritate us or make us angry are fleeting and not worth it. Parents are a blessing despite how wrong we think they always are and we need to cherish every day we have with them. I know this is harder said than done but I am determined.

Remembering 9/11

I was sitting my third period music class listening to classical music when the programming was interrupted to say the World Trade Center had been hit by a plane. The teacher and all of us students were confused by the announcement. And then some of us realized our friend's mom worked in the towers. A few of us started staring at Hannah when she took out her cell phone hoping to reach her mom. But she couldn't because all circuits were busy. 

As I walked to the next class, everyone started comforting Hannah while trying to understand what just happened. And then second plane hit. Hannah was able to get in touch with her mom when we finally reached our Classical Greek class. She made it out ok. Those of us that had phones or beepers started getting messages and there was a calm panic all around. We were finally allowed to go home a few minutes after fourth period started. I remember going to Stefani's home with Zuhair and watching the news unfold on tv. I was shaking and had chills as I watched the towers fall. The three of us sat there with tears in eyes and were stunned by the images in front of us. Not knowing what else to do, I went home. 

That was also the first and only day my mom had to walk from Manhattan into Queens. She worked in midtown but she could see the dark sky and smell the burning towers. She walked from 49th and Madison to the Queensboro bridge and walked over the river with countless other New Yorkers. Once she made it to Queens, a kind man gave her a ride to her brother's home and that is where she heard his story. My uncle worked in lower Manhattan. He saw it happen. He was covered in ash. I remember my mom and him coming together as one that day as they shared their stories. 

It is a day I will never forget and one I never want to forget because it is important to honor the lives of those we lost. A wall in the 9/11 memorial says it best through a quote by Virgil, "No day shall erase you from the memory of time."

Welcoming The Fall

As I sit here in Charleston enjoying a relaxing weekend, I cant help but be amazed by the fact that September 1st is here. I am looking forward for my favorite season of the year to start but also can't help but wonder, where did the past three months go? My 21-hour journey back to the States from Cambodia, Christina and Nick’s beautiful wedding on June 1 and coming home to Jacksonville, all feel like they happened yesterday.

June was all about processing how I felt. Setting up the house was a therapeutic experience because it helped restart my life. I really tried to sit down everyday and write a memory from my experience abroad, the unique stories that were special to me. I’m proud of myself but I do have to make a conscious effort to remember the lessons I learned. 

July and August were filled with all things TEDxJacksonville. Getting reacquainted and getting our speakers and performers lined up. The team is comprised of amazing individuals. Every time I am around them, I am reminded of how lucky I am to be part of such a great group and and how amazing it is to be able to inspire people through the work we do.

July was all also about networking. Getting myself out there and meeting people I admire and respect in hopes of finding guidance on what I should be doing in Jacksonville. The most enlightening part of this experience was everyone’s kindness. A lot of time women say women are the most difficult to work with but that was not the case for me. I can’t begin to thank all the amazing women that were a part of this process. They took time out to meet with me, to introduce me to one another and to guide me. I came out of the experience with a newfound sense of confidence because of their faith and trust in me.

Because of these meetings, I have been given a few contracts that will keep me intellectually stimulated while allowing me to figure out which career track is best for me.  From this process, I have learned when you really stop to feel and listen, you realize you can actually define what is most important to you professionally and how to acquire it.

I am one lucky girl. I know I have a lot more to accomplish and I cant wait to start ticking off many more things and am glad to be taking it in as it comes. 

Laos: Laung Prabang

Sabaidee

Sorry it has taken me so long to document my trip to Luang Prabang. I connected with that city in a really unique way and that led me to want to keep it to myself.  Now that I have been home for 2 months and going over my pictures and my notes, I think it is time to tell you about my trip to Luang Prabang.

A shuttle picked up Nikunj and I for our bus trip from Vang Vieng to Luang Prabang. A minute into the ride, we realized the bus company was actually only two blocks away from our hotel. Before you judge us for being lazy, I need to remind you about Pi Mai, Laotian New Year. Even though we were in the car, it did not stop the partygoers from spraying us non-stop. When we finally got to the bus, all 10 of us made a run for it because otherwise we were inviting people to drench us with water.

Our bus driver was young and eager to reach our destination as quickly as possible. He opted to take us through a newly opened road through the mountains rather than the traditional 7 hour journey around the mountains. The new road saved us about 3 hours. The constant uphill turns were a bit difficult for our minibus so each time we conquered a hill, we had to get out and let the engine cool down for a few minutes. This wasn’t so bad because the landscape around us was stunning every time.

We reached Luang Prabang around 7pm and headed straight to our hotel. Vangsavath was the perfect choice for us. Even though it wasn’t in the heart of the main strip, it was just the right distance away. They provided a free shuttle to and from the center, free bikes, free breakfast, unlimited tea and coffee and a beautiful zen garden that allowed us to relax whenever we wanted. The mother and son that ran the hotel were also extremely kind and hospitable. After they went over the map of the city with us, we got on the shuttle and headed straight to the local night market.

The night market is where you go to shop and to eat. There is one little side street that is filled with food stalls that appeal to both vegetarians and meat lovers. It is also ridiculously cheap. We grabbed some dinner and ate with tourists and locals on a communal table. It was a perfect way to end the day. We were tired from our earlier hike and wanted to decompress so after a quick walk through the market, we headed back.

We woke up the next morning and were sore all over. Man were we out of shape! We decided to take it easy and just enjoy the day so the plans for the day involved: breakfast and observing the New Year’s celebrations. Sleepy Luang Prabang is anything but quiet during this annual celebration. We saw people dancing and drinking on the street. The young and the old were rejoicing and celebrating the New Year.

We headed to the main square to watch the New Year's parade and had no idea what we were getting ourselves into! Just walking to the strip involved constant buckets of water and super soakers. We were attacked as soon as were arrived and it did not get easier each time more water came our way. We took shelter in a restaurant and observed the parade over lunch. The parade featured prominent locals, monks, Miss Luang Prabang and a lot of festive dancers. Once it was over, we had to brave the crowds again in order to head back to the hotel to change and dry up. I thought I was clever by putting on a poncho but an onlooker ripped it off and said I was cheating! We were so excited to find a taxi and escape the madness.

The next morning, we got up bright and early at 5 am to witness the morning alms ceremony. This is probably the one thing that comes up as the must do in Luang Prabang but for me it was my least favorite part. Everyone comes to see the monks and you could see that they don't actually enjoy the tourists and the cameras in their faces. The onlookers take away from the spiritual ritual. Even though I wasn't in their faces, I still felt guilty for being there. The whole thing only lasts about 15 minutes and thankfully ends quickly.




The best part about this morning was observing the city. It was so quiet and different from how we had seen it over the last 2 days. The UNESCO world heritage site was back to normal. Nikunj and I decided to take advantage of this and walked along the river. I fell in love. It was so beautiful and so peaceful. We went back to the hotel for breakfast and I couldn't get the streets out of my mind so while Nikunj napped, I took a bike and went back to town. I rode from the Mekong to the Nam Khan River and saw the locals getting ready to start their day by setting up their restaurants and shops.  I had read about the old French architecture but was now finally able to see it while witnessing the sunrise. It was a perfect morning.



Once I was done, I headed back and took a nap before our excursion to Kuang Si Falls. The base of the falls was filthy and overcrowded. We instantly regretted our decision and could not understand why the locals would treat a local treasure this way. We decided to hike up in hopes of a better view and cleaner surroundings and I'm so glad that we did. It was a huge difference. We sat at the edge and enjoyed the sounds of the water crashing down. It was such a calming experience.

                                                               

Since we barely had a chance explore the town, we used the next day to do just that. We walked from one end to the tip of the peninsula. During the walk, a postcard outside a coffee shop caught my eye.  The cafe was called Big Tree Cafe and it featured Adri Berger's work. I was so engrossed by his portraits. He actually sat down and explained a lot of it to us which just made the experience a whole lot better.  He had been in Laos for over 7 years and explored most of the country by boat. His shots captured a lot of the local tribes and their customs. Seeing his work made me want to come back to Laos and explore the mountains because it was all so different from anything we had seen on our trip. I didn't buy any of  the portraits but hope to be able to afford one some day soon. I did get a postcard for my postcard wall :)

At the tip of the peninsula, we saw a local fisherman in action. It was such a different fishing experience! He was throwing a net in and pulling it back. So simple but so effective. I was lucky enough to capture him in action.  Next, we visited Xieng Thong temple. It was unlike any other temple I had ever seen. The designs on the exterior walls were really unique and very colorful. 

After that we walked to Tamarind for lunch and lucky for us it was finally open. We had been trying to eat here since we arrived but it was closed for the holidays. The restaurant came highly recommended and after our absolutely delicious lunch, we understood why. I had stuffed chicken with lemongrass accompanied by brown sticky rice and lime juice. It was so tender and flavorful. You need to slowly peel the lemongrass in order to get the chicken out. Nikunj had another one of their popular dishes, papaya salad. It was such a treat. The view didn't hurt either, the restaurant overlooks Nam Khon River.




We decided to keep treating ourselves and got massages next. I don't know if it was brave or stupid on our part to request a traditional massage. Oh my god does it hurt. Each sore spot felt so much worse when they "massage" it. But my body did feel great afterwards. The amount of things that cracked were kind of scary but my pain did disappear for a few days. Since we could barely walk afterwards, we headed back to the hotel for a nap. Vacations are the best specifically because of naps!


In the evening we visited Phu Si, a hill in the middle of the city that houses a temple on top. It has 360 panoramic views of the city and the surrounding mountains. Unfortunately, it was pretty cloudy when we went but the views were still beautiful. I can't imagine how they could get any better. We spent a good hour just staring and admiring the view.

Our last day in Luang Prabang was spent on a boat. We signed up for a three hour boat ride on the Mekong. This is where the pitfalls of traveling in Asia came in to play. Our boat stopped working twice, once on the way to Pak Ou Caves and once on the way back to Luang Prabang. There was absolutely nothing we could do about it. The driver would bang a hammer on the engine in hopes of making it start. We had to wait for other boat drivers to help us and it was really scary to be at the mercy of others. To add to the stress, our flight back to Vientiane was later in the evening so we kept thinking we would miss our flight. In the end it all worked out and it served as a reminder that when in Asia, you just need to go with the flow.

Pak Ou Caves house thousands of Buddha statues from the 16th century til now. They alone aren't worth the boat trip but the landscape makes it worthwhile. We saw elephants, local tribes and lots of fishermen out on the river. It was a very relaxing experience. A lot of people opt to take a boat ride on the Mekong for 2-3 days to really explore the local towns.

I realized that this was the first time in a while I spent 5 full days in a city and it still didn't feel like enough. There is something mystical about the mountains of Laos and I can't wait to go back and see more. 

Redefining my Identity

Even though I have been home for seven weeks now, there still seem to be plenty of people to meet and catch up with. I met one such person last week at a local night market that started while I was in Cambodia. He seemed to be pretty progressive and was all about revitalizing downtown. He was even wearing an equality sticker. This guy asked Asghar what he does and after hearing Asghar’s response, he asked me if “I was a lawyer’s wife”. I know he had no ill intentions but I was fuming because his words triggered my insecurities.

When I first moved to Jacksonville, it was extremely important for me to form an identity that does not revolve around my husband. I worked very hard to maintain it but leaving for Cambodia changed that. As soon as I got back, I was back to being just a wife. At least in my mind. 

I bring this story up because my identity has been something I have been struggling with the last few weeks.  I have been spending money without the same discipline I had in Cambodia and feeling guilty about it. I have been earning a paycheck since I was 15 years old and always worked for what I wanted. This is the first time in my life that I have not worked. In Phnom Penh, I wrote down every single one of my expenses in order to stay on track and to keep a record of how much I needed to make ends meet. And now, I am using my husband’s credit card to buy curtains for the house or lunch for myself. I have had friends call me out and say "you are taking this house wife thing too far" or "we need to find you a job because I don't recognize you anymore."

Coming home to no job but a full time volunteer position and a new a house has kept me occupied. I have been busy with projects for the house while having constant meetings for TEDxJacksonville. And I now know that I am much more than just a wife but it does get hard to remember that when you're only accomplishment in a day is setting up a closet at home.

It’s strange to say but this new chapter has been a huge learning experience. I’ve learned that breaks can be a good thing. I actually have the luxury to figure out what I want to do without rushing into something I know I will hate. And I have finally learned that it is ok to depend on your husband financially. The independent woman in me always fought to share the expenses and now I can’t even if I wanted to. It has been a humbling journey and one that has enabled me to be honest with myself.

I needed the break. I needed the time to process everything I saw and felt while I was away. I didn’t want to rush from one experience to the next because I want my last experience to influence whatever comes next.