One Year Since Cambodia

It has been nearly two months since my last post. I've been meaning to write but keep getting pulled in lots of different directions. I have a long list of posts to write on Vietnam, Hawaii, Montreal, Asheville and Savannah and I promise to get to them before the summer is over. 

While attending a wedding party this weekend, a conversation on Cambodia led me to realize it has been exactly one year since I moved back home. I remember when I was getting ready to move to Asia like it was yesterday. At the time, a lot of my friends were worried I was giving up on the momentum I had achieved and were not sure I was making the right decision for my career. You already know how enriching that experience was for me.

The past year has been full of professional and personal development highs for me. I have been working at the Jacksonville Chamber since August and have enjoyed every minute of it. I am managing a cutting edge project with the goal of improving our region's college attainment rate from 36% to 60% by 2025. You have no idea how baffling this statistic is for all the locals. People just assume everyone goes to college and graduates when in reality more than half don't.  

I also recently learned that I am an Aspen Ideas Festival Scholar for 2015 and part of  Leadership Jacksonville Class of 2016. Both programs present an opportunity to engage with a dedicated group of leaders, locally, nationally and worldwide.

The amount of support and advice I have received in Jacksonville has been unbelievable. I've said this before and I'll say it again but the women here have helped me in countless ways. They have made themselves available for multiple coffee dates and lots of honest feedback sessions. 

The pressure to be great is huge because I don't want to let anyone down. But it is also the motivation to keep going and to keep setting higher expectations for myself. I have never felt a greater sense of community then I do now in Jacksonville. I am excited to be part of the change and can't wait to see what comes next.

Facing Death and Cherishing Family

On Wednesday the 10th, my cousin informed me that my uncle was on his deathbed and could pass any day. I knew I wanted to say goodbye and be there for my cousins. I left Friday morning. Surprisingly, the five-hour drive to Fort Myers was painless and quick. I think because it was the first time in a long time I got to be alone with my thoughts and without the constraints of my calendar.

I arrived at the house at 3pm and realized that I had not actually seen any of the other guests in over two decades. One of the lovely aunties started interrogating me as soon as I arrived in the typical brown fashion asking questions like, who are you? What are you studying? Are you married? Startled and cornered, I answered nervously and looked around for a familiar face. After exchanging long hugs with my cousins, I went and said hi to my uncle. He responded with the biggest smile and it made my day. It was so great to see him react and respond and so sad because I realized how hard this weekend would be for me. Cowardly thing to say, I know, considering I wasn’t the one about to lose a parent.

It became apparent pretty quickly that some of the relatives there were dealing with the situation without actually considering what my uncle or my cousins would want. It was frustrating to watch. Everything from food to laying positions to medical treatment was up for debate. Everyone felt they were right. I don’t know how my cousins handled this for weeks at a time. They have been so brave and I admire their courage. I only hope I can be as strong as them when the time comes.

My uncle was a tenacious man and he wasn’t ready to go yet. The energy in the house revitalized him and he fought to remain with us. We had a great weekend with him, filled with laughter, inappropriate jokes, and delicious food. We even watched his beloved Gators play on tv. The weekend flew by. Sunday came before we knew it and one by one we all left to tend to life’s commitments. 

The following Saturday, September 20th, I got the text. My uncle had passed away peacefully in his sleep. The funeral would be on Sunday. I quickly rearranged my commitments for the weekend and hoped Ahmed could join me this time. When I approached him, I started crying thinking about my cousins and what they were going through. We left as soon as we could but the ride down was very different this time around. Both of us realized we had never actually attended a funeral for a relative or any Muslim funeral for that matter. It was also difficult to acknowledge that one day we may need to say goodbye to our parents.

Sunday morning was tough. Not knowing what lay ahead, we got up, came up with a game plan for the day and did what we know best, helped with logistics. I think, for me, it was a great way to distract myself from facing my emotions. I didn’t want to cry in front of my cousins. I felt I had no right to and so I tried to be an anchor for them. We prayed, said our goodbyes and laid him to rest. We were all so relieved that he was finally free of his pain and suffering and at peace.

Because of work the next morning, we left for Jacksonville right after the funeral. During the ride home, I came to terms with the fact that I need to improve relationship with both my parents. My mom and I speak everyday but I don't give her the time and patience she needs. My dad and I need to work on communicating in general. Life is so short. The things that irritate us or make us angry are fleeting and not worth it. Parents are a blessing despite how wrong we think they always are and we need to cherish every day we have with them. I know this is harder said than done but I am determined.