My new normal

As a first time parent, you end up doing things that you never thought you’d do. I am going to assume this is really the case for all parents and not just us newbies. These things vary in grossness and silliness. 

Singing. I know I can’t sing. But I know Raza likes music and when I sing to him. I also know I sound ridiculous singing Hakuna Matata but I do it for the smiles and nap time. So far, I’m the only lucky recipient of these smiles and I love it.

Speaking of sounds, you also discover the power of sounds. My kid can sleep through Timon and Pumbaa singing Hakuna Matata but he will wake up right away at the sound of my phone charger hitting the floor. What’s the difference? I have no idea! Every time Raza sleeps, you will find me intentionally not flushing the toilet and tippy toeing around him. If he happens to be in my arms while sleeping, I’ll grab things with my feet and stretch in ways I didn’t know I could.  Him sleeping is good for my sanity and I don’t care if I look ridiculous in the process.

Documentation. For starters, you have to document every time they go and feed the first few days in the hospital to ensure all is well with their digestive tract. We did this for about a week and then stopped because it was too cumbersome. But then at his one-month checkup his pediatrician asked how often Raza was eating, sleeping, pooping and I had no idea. With little sleep, you barely remember the time, let alone what happened two hours ago. And so now I use the Glow Baby app and document everything. I know it sounds like a lot but it’s actually really useful. I am starting to see his patterns. This helps immensely in planning my outings and meetings.

Then there is your comfort with pee and poop. You become very comfortable with the two. You will get peed on. How often will obviously depend on your baby's gender..we have had multiple times in one day. Have you ever heard of fluffing out a diaper? I hadn’t. And I had changed many diapers before! I discovered this after Raza peed on our friend while wearing a diaper. It turns out this is pretty common for newborns. You should always fluff out the diaper. Of course there are still accidents that happen after bath time or when you are changing their outfits. Like yesterday, he peed on my newly washed sheets while I was changing him on the bed. Rookie mistake. But you can’t always dress them on the changing table. What did I do? I used some wipes on both of us, spot treated the sheets and called it a day. It isn’t possible to give him a bath after each time or find the time for me to shower after every accident. Just like it isn’t possible to always sleep when the baby sleeps (worst advice ever).

You win some and you lose some. My new normal is just that, mine. Like each pregnancy, like each child: everyone is different. You have to stay calm and handle each situation with humor and patience. Babies can sense your stress and it only stresses them out so there is no point. Get plenty of cheek cuddles afterwards and everything will be alright.

Becoming a mom

Raza turns a month old on Friday. A month! To say the past four weeks have flown by would be an understatement. The days do go quickly but when you are doing the same thing over and over again you also forget the date, the time, the day of the week.

Becoming a parent is unlike anything else in this world. The emotions that come with it are the most powerful and consume all of you, more than you even thought you had to give. I experienced so much despite the never ending cycle of feeding, burping, changing and napping. The term zombie took on a whole new meaning during those first two weeks. It didn’t really matter if I ate, showered, changed. It was all about Raza. No matter how much you read, what others have told you, nothing really prepares you for it until you are in it.

For starters, I am now responsible for another human! What I do with him, shapes his future.

The first few weeks are excruciatingly painful.  That immense sense of responsibility definitely takes its toll. It is physically taxing! After all, this cute little human did come out of me. Simple things like getting out of bed, sitting up and down become a huge task. I had to have Asghar give me a hand because my lower body strength did not exist.

I became a food source. The female body is capable of so many monumental things that it is incomprehensible. Raza and I, luckily, figured out a rhythm early on. But I wont lie, breastfeeding was the thing I was scared of the most. I and only I could do this for him. And I needed to do it every two hours, really it ends up being every 45 minutes, in those first two weeks. The time starts from the start time, not the end time. Who knew. But it is also a beautiful moment that only he and I share and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

There are so many diapers. For an eight-pound human, this kid can eat and there are dirty diapers beyond your wildest dreams. When people said we would need 300 diapers for the first month, I laughed. Turns out, it’s true. And with diapers come wipes, butt paste, diaper pails, liners, diaper bag and all these things that you become familiar with really quickly. You learn by trial and error.

There are no plans. Right before Raza’s first doctor’s visit, he had a meltdown and peed on himself as we were about to head out. We had these grandiose plans that we would take a leisurely stroll with him to the appointment. But in reality, we drove, left the house one minute before the appointment and looked like a deer had hit us when we arrived. We also arrived without our diaper bag. He of course, dirtied his diaper during the short two minutes from when we left the house and when we arrived. The nurse asked us to change him and Asghar and I just looked at each other like we failed. She smiled and gave us a diaper and some wipes. Since then we have learned that the diaper bag goes everywhere and that plans are lofty goals but reality is something different. We just need to go with the flow.

Everyone wants to visit the baby. Yes, they want to say hi to me too but they really want to stare at him. Which is totally fine because he is adorable. But on some days that is a lot when you haven’t gotten out of your pajamas and feel like a Whitewalker. For someone who is always organized, in meetings and doing things, this one was hard. I had to tell people no. There are good days and bad days. And on bad days, I can't muster up the energy to dress up and be on. I just need to be in my own comfortable state with my baby. Having said that, for me it is important to wash up and get dressed. It changes my attitude right away. And when I don’t, it makes me sad and feel sorry for myself for no reason. I’m still trying to find the balance and do this everyday. Eventually, I hope we get out of the house everyday. 

I was lucky. I had help the first four weeks. My mom came to stay with us for three weeks and Asghar took four weeks off. This week is my first week alone with Raza. We are still figuring things out but it has gotten better and easier. I have the utmost respect and admiration for single moms. I have no idea how they do it all alone. I can’t imagine experiencing the past four weeks on my own.  I didn’t write this to scare anyone. It’s more for me to process that we brought a human into this world. In my opinion, parenthood is the best and most important thing in the world. It is beautiful and magical but it is also tough and painful. I am lucky enough to have close girlfriends that tell me the truth whenever I have a question. Magical doesn’t always mean cute faces and cuddles. And that’s ok. The cute faces and cuddles do make it all worth it.

Women's Equality Day

This week was special, albeit heavy. While highlighting the successes and the importance of women's equality, it reminded me of what feels like a never ending struggle.

On Tuesday, I saw my local community rally behind one woman because of her courage and bravery. Hope McMath has chosen to continuously fight for equity and inclusion. The support she received and the hope she provides has been a beautiful thing to watch. It is a powerful testament of our faith in her and our love for her. 

On Wednesday, I was one of 25 women who received the Jacksonville Business Journal's "Women of Influence" award. I was thrilled to see many men in the audience!  Usually, events for women draw a predominantly female crowd. I had the pleasure of meeting many of the past recipients and was humbled by their accomplishments. They are pioneers who have paved the way for other women and continue to do so through their tireless efforts. As one of the youngest recipients of the award, I understand the responsibility placed on me to continue to positively impact our community. You can read my profile for the award here.

On Thursday, TEDxJacksonville held Women Kicking Ass, one of our most popular events. The event sold out in under an hour, demonstrating the need for this important conversation. The panelists were authentic and honest. They provided great insight on what it means to be a leader in your community, your sector, or your organization. They advocated for women to actively pursue their goals. Most importantly, they reiterated that ceilings can be shattered. 

Friday was Women's Equality Day. In 1971, we designated August 26 Women's Equality Day to commemorate the 19th amendment, passed in 1920 to grant women the right to vote. The first Women's Rights Convention was held in Seneca Falls on July 19, 1848. It took us 72 years to earn the right to vote. 

On Saturday, I exercised my right to vote and took my nieces, who are ages 11 ad 14, to the polls with me. 

Seneca Falls was a milestone. The 19th amendment was a milestone. Our recognition of Women's Equality was a milestone. But it baffles me that women are still fighting for equality in 2016 after proving ourselves time and time again. Headlines like, "Facebook, Microsoft, Apple say they offer equal pay" are mind blowing because women have already proven the economics of women's equality. Research has shown conclusively that the more gender-equal companies are, the happier their labor force is. They have lower job turnover. They have an easier time recruiting. They have higher rates of retention, higher job satisfaction, and higher rates of productivity.

We are headed in the right direction. We should celebrate every step forward. But we are far from equality and there is a lot more work to be done. 

Before there were blogs

I woke up today to sounds of rain and thunder and decided to spend my morning reading and writing, two things I enjoy immensely when I have the time. Today, I'm going to be writing a journal entry to my childhood best friend in a book we have been sharing since 2012. While reading some of the past entries, I decided to also look back at my past travels. In doing so, I discovered old emails I used to send to a group of about 25 of my closest friends and family. They bring back such fond memories of laughter, love and adventure. I don't know why I stopped so I am also going to write one today after five years. I thought I would share one with all of you from New Year's Day 2011.

1/1/11

Hi everyone,

Firstly, Happy New Year!!

The last two weeks have been an absolute gastronomical delight for me and full of unexpected adventures.

We were stuck indoors because England is still learning how to cope with snow, i.e. a usual 2 hour journey from Birmingham to London took us 15 hours. On the bright side, my mom cooked everything my heart desired and it came to the point that we began to only partake in eating and sleeping. While staying with an uncle in London, I also continued to meet more delightful family that have now made me want to reach out to distant relatives and reconnect because I have learned that family doesn't always come with drama.

I had the honor of spending Christmas and New Year with two beautiful families, the Khorugdharry's in London and the Suarez's in Bilbao. Both welcomed me into their homes and were kind enough to allow me to witness their traditions. In London, I even got entrusted to help cook the xmas meal! And it has to be said that the food was delicious and I'm sure our capabilities surprised everyone at the table. It was also a pleasure to see little Tahj open his presents and play with his new drum set for us, there is nothing like seeing the magic of xmas from a child's perspective.

In Bilbao, the celebrations for New Year's lasted into the next evening and definitely tested my endurance! Not only did I get to experience the annual countdown with a grape eating competition but prior to that the matriarch of the house was kind enough to cook an amazing meal while being careful to take care of everyone's dietary needs. We then went on to the seaside village of Pedernales to continue the festivities. Here, a beautiful 84 year old grandmother invited us all to celebrate at her home and taught me that life needs to be lived with romance or else it isn't worth it at all.

I am looking forward to seeing the city of Bilbao and San Sebastian in the new few days while taking time out to eat as many Pinxtos as possible because they are absolutely delicious. Apparently, San Sebastian is famous for Pinxtos and has 16 Michelin star restaurants so my plans to diet are going to have to wait. Over the course of my travels in the last few weeks, I have met many wonderful people and visited many beautiful cities while partaking in new experiences and am now looking forward to being in New York next week!

Until Peru..

Love,

Sabeen

Monthly Dose of Travel on The Chat

I firmly believe travel teaches us valuable life lessons in ways we never expect. It has allowed me to fall in love with the world, see and believe that we are all the same irrespective of where we were born or raised and most importantly it has allowed me to appreciate different perspectives.

If you follow Humans of New York, then you have to come to see that it doesn't matter if you live in New York or Karachi, humans are the same everywhere. Negative news stories tend to take over the airwaves and we rarely hear about good that takes place everyday. When we experience the world for ourselves, we see that stereotypes are often not true and people are inherently good. I believe this is the reason platforms like Airbnb, Couchsurfing and Uber are successful. Strangers are the best part of travel because they make you realize what humility really means. They are the ones who invite you in and offer you a feast even though they don't have much to  give.

I was on The Chat back in August to discuss my love for travel and had a great time with the ladies. It was just like chatting with a group of girlfriends. Oddly enough, they invited me back a month later to discuss fall travel destinations. Starting in November, I'll be on once a month to discuss holidays around the world! I am so grateful for the invite and for their faith in me. My hope for the monthly segment is to use it as a tool to raise awareness for the different cultures present in Jacksonville. We have many different nationalities amongst us but we do very little to incorporate them into the community. 

I'd love to hear about which holidays from other parts of the world have made an impression on you. I have a list from my travels and can't wait to start sharing them with you. Watch The Chat weekends at 3 p.m. on NBC12 and ABC25.

If you would like to watch the previous two interviews, you can do so with the links below.

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/videos/entertainment/television/programs/the-chat/2015/08/12/the-chat-wednesday-august-12th-travel-with-sabeen-perwaiz/31553655/

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/videos/entertainment/television/programs/the-chat/2015/09/18/72425150/